Nineteen, Tegan and Sara
When Eek was born, I was nineteen, so this song holds a special place in my heart, but probably not for the reasons you think. Obviously, this song isn't particularly a happy song, but the lyrics above reference for me the feelings I held about my daughter. She wasn't someone I was expecting to have this early in life, but at the same time she was someone I'd been expecting my entire life.
I didn't get to hold my daughter much later after she was born. It's something that I regret terribly, but there wasn't really anything I could do to remedy that situation. Her birth was unbelievably easy, but I had a postpartum hemorrhage right after she was born. Basically, what this means is that after you give birth, your blood vessels are supposed to contract back down to their normal size, but mine didn't. I had to have several blood transfusions and I don't remember a lot of those first few days in the hospital. I was very lucky to have a great doctor and a great set of nurses, because I'm not sure if I could have pulled through without them.
What this meant for my daughter is that I didn't get to hold her until about seven hours after she was born. Like I said, while I don't remember a lot from those first few days, I do remember in startling clarity the first time I held her. I was crying and I had so many IVs and tubes sticking out of my body that I felt like the Bride of Frankenstein or something. She was so small, and her eyes were scrunched up and she was so red. She had a head full of dark hair underneath her cap. She was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. She opened her eyes and stared at me and I ran my finger from her forehead to her jaw bone and cooed, "Oh baby, baby, baby" to her. I knew, deep in my bones, that she was what I'd been waiting for all these years.
Basically, that little bit of lyric ensconces all of my feelings toward this little baby I was looking at for the first time. I don't know you yet, but I'd like to.
I didn't get to hold my daughter much later after she was born. It's something that I regret terribly, but there wasn't really anything I could do to remedy that situation. Her birth was unbelievably easy, but I had a postpartum hemorrhage right after she was born. Basically, what this means is that after you give birth, your blood vessels are supposed to contract back down to their normal size, but mine didn't. I had to have several blood transfusions and I don't remember a lot of those first few days in the hospital. I was very lucky to have a great doctor and a great set of nurses, because I'm not sure if I could have pulled through without them.
What this meant for my daughter is that I didn't get to hold her until about seven hours after she was born. Like I said, while I don't remember a lot from those first few days, I do remember in startling clarity the first time I held her. I was crying and I had so many IVs and tubes sticking out of my body that I felt like the Bride of Frankenstein or something. She was so small, and her eyes were scrunched up and she was so red. She had a head full of dark hair underneath her cap. She was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. She opened her eyes and stared at me and I ran my finger from her forehead to her jaw bone and cooed, "Oh baby, baby, baby" to her. I knew, deep in my bones, that she was what I'd been waiting for all these years.
I felt you in my legs before I even met you
and when I laid beside you for the first time
I told you, "I feel you in my heart and I don't even know you."
Basically, that little bit of lyric ensconces all of my feelings toward this little baby I was looking at for the first time. I don't know you yet, but I'd like to.
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