This week has been spectacularly busy. I had my first week on campus. While I am only there three days of the week, there's a bunch of construction and a lot of parking lots are sectioned off, so I have to start on one side of campus, navigate all the construction and get to my class on the other side of campus. It's been about a thirty minute walk with construction - I'm sure it would only be about fifteen without all of it - and it's tough. I guess the silver lining here is that I will be getting into awesome shape? Or blowing out a knee, take your pick!
What this means for Eek is that in order for me to find a parking spot, we've had to wake up progressively earlier and earlier. Instead of waking up at 7:30, we've been getting up at 6:30 and she is not happy about it at all. She definitely got the night owl gene from me and she hasn't taken to early mornings at all.
This is not really what I want this post to be about. I was just hoping to lure you in so it'd be too late when I actually bust out with my topic, but I guess I've warned you now. Oops.
I'm always very hesitant to identify myself as a single mom. Her dad is sort of in the picture, if the picture is me and Eek and he's the back of someone's head in the background. He pays child support... sometimes and he sees her... when it's convenient for him. Again, not much. For all intents and purposes, I've raised my daughter by myself and I make the big decisions in her life. On the off chance he does see her, he defers to me on decisions. It's not as easy as it sounds and it mostly provides a lot of headache on my side.
But it also means that she has family on his side who want to see Eek slightly more than he does. Which is totally fine, don't get me wrong, but I would like a little more heads up than the day of when they want to see her. I wonder sometimes if there are any other single moms who feel this way.
I'm one of those people who needs a couple of days of heads up before plans are made. A week, preferably, but I can make do with two days. I have to make sure we have a free day and generally our free days are surrounded by a solid two day buffer of nonstop action. I also need a little more than fifteen minutes head notice because I will probably have to give Eek a bath and I can't actually pull out the car seat out of my car, put a diaper bag together, give Eek a bath and get her into clothes with an almost decent hairstyle in fifteen minutes. It won't happen. There is no possible way to get a squirmy toddler ready to go in under fifteen minutes.
What do you say when people drop in at the last minute with hardly a call? I've gotten to the point where I just say no if I don't have at least a couple days notice. It sounds harsh, but I've asked them several times not to do it to no avail. How do you handle this sort of situation?
Catching up on your blog. While I'm not a mom even, much less a single mom, I don't think this is in any way unreasonable! Asking you to entirely rearrange your schedule and her routine so they can have one day every once in a while with her is a little outrageous. It's not too much to ask to have a couple days forewarning.
ReplyDeleteI actually find it a little weird that THEY don't need more warning than that. Shouldn't they need to clear out their schedule, baby-proof the house a little (since she's not there all the time) etc?
I don't know. I don't think you're alone here. (Are there single mom communities/blog groups? There must be!! PS - don't feel ashamed to say that or awkward about it. It basically just means you're a BAMF.) And as the parent doing the most work, you have a right to say no. And/or, if you DO have free time, invite them to hang out then on YOUR time.
I think I've said this before (probably in multiple places), but it's almost like they think I just exist in this vacuum, waiting on them to make plans. It's endlessly frustrating. Their entire family is like that too, so it's not just an isolated thing.
DeleteI know they put up a glass coffee table when Eek started coming over, but there's honestly not that much there to baby proof. Half of the time they don't even take her back to their apartment, so I guess it's sort of like a moot point?
I know they're out there, I just haven't have the time to go find them what with the beginning of school. I think once everything settles down a bit, I'm going to go explore and network and whatnot. (I think I'm more hesitant to identify as a single mom on the Internet because I've seen a lot of backlash toward single parents, which I realize, intellectually, is dumb.)
I've told them the days that are best for me (weekends, T/Th) and her other grandmother's work schedule changes, so I generally let them pick the days when they see her - if it's Sunday or a weekday, Eek's got to be back by 8pm. It's just this thing about not telling me until the last minute that they want to see her that's rubbing me the wrong way, because I generally make plans with my friends while Eek's with them so it messes everything up, haha.